Drag Queen Violet

My son Colin's partner of the past year or so is also known by his mother as "one of the top five drag queens in New York." David, as Violet, currently works as a waitress and bartender at Lucky Cheng's, a large and well known restaurant in the East Village where all of the waitresses are trans people, and the Go-Go boys are handsome and bitchy. He is also, the costume designer for an Off-Broadway show in New York, runs his own party nights at at least one Brooklyn bar, and in his spare time he lectures college audiences on the perils of queer life. He graduated from Sarah Lawrence in 2004 with a double major in Theatre Costume and Queer Studies.

I do not say too much to him, but listen a lot as he and Chelsea talk. I find his take on gender in human life to be interesting, and I am trying to learn. While I suppose one could classify him as a trans person due to his public persona as sometime Violet, he also seems to have a clear identification with himself as a man.

What I do not understand about David and people who have a gender orientation similar to him is how or why they are committed to female drag. For me female drag is one way to indicate to the world that I should be considered as female. I am happy if no one makes any association of me at all with any aspect or behavior associated with maleness. This is not to say that I deny my transgender nature, nor that I reject the insight and spiritual power which is mine, but that I feel immensely more comfortable living in sociaety and in personal relationships as a female. One of the most stressful periods of my life was when I was living in society at the same time as a male to some people and a female to others. I could not stand the strain of doing male drag as I went through transition to living as a female years ago. David's way of being which he seems to be comfortable with is precisely the way of being that made me feel as if I were being torn apart.

My approach may be old fashioned. There is a strong evolution taking place in our society with respect to gender identity and expression. The younger generations are more open to gender non-conformity, and comfortable with ambiguity. But I also think that the difference between David and me is just another example of the infinite varieties of gender expression.

The current expectation is that David and Colin will be living on the upper duplex in our newly renovated house. It will be nice to be sharing the house with them, although Colin assures me that he will keep the basement stairs locked so that I will not be able to get upstairs to pester them. Should they ever have children, however, I am sure that Chelsea and I will get a chance to do some baby sitting.